Moving Forward…
We don’t learn our lessons until we are forced to. We don’t listen to what we know is right until we have to. We don’t let others go until we are the ones let go. We wait… even though we knew all along. We can be confident, strong, and smart individuals while also ignoring the obvious answers. We can’t feel guilty over this “self-sabotage” because sometimes this is what it takes for us to learn and grow. We can hear other people’s advice but it’s only until we are ready to act upon it ourselves that we actually listen to it.
I learned a lot in 2022. I discovered that people won’t change because of you. The reason why we keep the wrong people in our lives is because we hope that we are unique enough to change a person. In reality, people repeat their habits, and maybe one day they decide they are ready to change, but that’s on their own terms. Regardless, people only change so much. We give people multiple chances to be different. But patterns repeat and it is unfair to ourselves to be “ok” with it. But don’t forget that it can also be unfair to ask someone else to change for us. Don’t go back to someone with the thought that things will be different.
Even though we may be aware that we can’t change others, we settle for people who don’t meet our needs because not having them hurts more. I thought I knew my self-worth. I was confident and happy with who I was, yet, I stayed in a situation where I knew I wasn’t getting the respect I deserved. The person I was with deserved the world; I just wasn’t the girl to give it to him. We simply weren’t meant for each other and we both knew it, but I kept trying to make the situation work. This is when I questioned if I was treating myself fairly. I was worried that this other person didn’t value me when I wasn’t valuing myself. Here’s what I learned: Letting go of what isn’t meant for you is the first way to love yourself. But staying gone (not going back) is the most powerful and hardest way to actually believe it. I am so lucky for the friends in my life. I’m learning that the relationships you have with your friends are more important than romantic ones. I’ve seen people lose friends during relationships and I strongly suggest avoiding that. Friends are your foundation. Thank them more often.
I think that we forget that you can miss someone but not want them in your life anymore. Moving forward does not mean erasing the past and tainting good memories. It’s important to accept and enjoy what has happened while also allowing yourself to continue on your journey. My grandma sent me the best quote from Brian A. Chalker to explain this concept: “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” But don’t let people that are only meant for a season overstay their visit. The problem I’ve found is that I’m confused about who’s supposed to stay and who’s supposed to leave. I think that when you’re forcing someone to be in your life, then it’s a sign to let go. Some people who end relationships think that they wasted time with the wrong person. Instead, think that person was needed, just for the season, to redirect you.
We know what we need but we ignore it for what we want because getting what we want gives us instant gratification. But when the moment fades, we are back to where we started. On the other hand, doing what’s good for us is an investment that takes time and patience; It’s actually a safe investment because happiness is guaranteed when we do things to better ourselves. I listen to other people’s experiences to try to be more understanding of this topic and give well-rounded advice. Take it or leave it. I’m only 19 after all. Or maybe decide to come back to this when you’re ready to accept and move on. I know I will.
